


Talent Show

by Taliax



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Crack, Exactly What It Says on the Tin, Gen, Headcanon Origin, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-26
Updated: 2012-01-26
Packaged: 2018-01-17 12:01:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1386880
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Taliax/pseuds/Taliax
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Because a public talent show put on by the Organization in the middle of Twilight Town won't end badly at all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Talent Show

“Welcome to the first Twilight Town ‘talent’ show,” Saïx said emotionlessly, which was excusable, him not having a heart and all, reading off the large cue cards that Demyx held up from his place in the audience.

“And only,” Xemnas muttered from behind the recently-set-up stage. Demyx had promised he would actually do his work – twice the amount of work he was supposed to do, actually – if the whole Organization would put on a talent show. In public. Because that wouldn’t completely break their ‘no-interfering-with-other-worlds-don’t-talk-to-strangers-and-be-as-secret-and-shady-looking-as-possible rule at all. Nope.

Most of the Organization members had wanted to outright reject the idea (all but Demyx himself, actually, and Roxas and Xion, who didn’t even know what the point of a talent show was), but everyone was tired of having to pick up Demyx’s slack whenever they were sent on missions with him. Xemnas just hoped Demyx would keep his word. If not, it might just be the time to turn him into a Dusk.

“The first contestant will be Marluxia,” Saïx droned, walking off the stage and around to where the rest of the Organization was waiting, while Marluxia walked onto it. He carried a huge pink flowerpot filled to the brim with dark soil.

“I will be showing all of you how to grow flowers,” Marluxia said, his expression somewhat bored.   He placed the pot on the ground, and with a wave of his hand a giant, creepy rose began growing from it. He smiled cockily, and the rose twitched. The flower swung towards a kid holding a bar of ice cream, opened up a split in the middle of its petals, and ate the ice cream, stick and all. The about-ten-year-old boy was frozen in terror.

“Knowing him, we’re just lucky it didn’t eat the kid, too,” Axel said. Demyx whimpered in fear. Everyone else seemed unfazed, especially Larxene, who hadn’t even been watching and now had her gloves off, picking at the microscopic dirt specks under her fingernails with her knives.

Marluxia bowed way more than necessary, despite the only clapping coming from a few boys in the back who were whooping loudly.

“Man, I should give my girlfriend a flower like that!” One said, nudging his friend even though he was already paying attention, and they both laughed.

Saïx shook his head. “We’ll never be able to go undercover here again.” He turned to Demyx, who sat a chair down on the other side of Axel. “You’ll have your candy allowance docked for this.”

“Aww, not my candy!” Demyx whined, but Saïx was already walking up the steps back onto the stage. The boy whose ice cream had been eaten and his friends had left, along with about half of the rest of the audience. The boys in the back looked more excited than ever.

“Thank you, Marluxia.” Saïx glared at him as he smirked and carried the flower off the stage, talking to it like a mother murmuring to a child as he left. “Next up will be Lexaeus.”

Lexaeus walked around to the front of the stage, but instead of walking onto it, he stopped below the platform. He mumbled something that vaguely sounded like a bear growling. Then with all the force of a great typhoon (and all the strength of a raging fire), he picked up the entire stage with Saïx still on it.

The blue-haired Nobody wasn’t impressed, and he most certainly wasn’t amused. Lexaeus had built the stage with his bare hands and carried it through the extra-large dark corridor to Twilight Town. The wooden-and-metal structure probably weighed less than his tomahawk.

More of the people in the crowd clapped this time, and Lexaeus put the stage back, to Saïx’s relief. Lexaeus sat back in the audience with a grunt.

“Next is Vexen,” Saïx said, leaving the stage more quickly this time.

“I’ll need a volunteer,” Vexen said, and Demyx’s hand shot up like an eager kindergartener. The rest of the audience was intelligent enough to stay silent. “Demyx.”

Demyx squealed in excitement, and Vexen grinned evilly.

“Are you going to do a magic trick?” Demyx asked.

“Science, not magic. But I won’t bother your slow-witted mind with such complexities.”

Demyx stared off into space with a confused expression. Without warning, Vexen snapped his fingers, and ice encased Demyx. Most of the Organization and the boys in the back of the crowd cheered.

“Finally, something good has come out of this terrible idea!” Larxene exclaimed.

“If only we could leave him like that,” said Xigbar.

Saïx strode back up to the stage as Vexen bowed and walked off. He pushed the frozen Demyx out of the way of the microphone and announced, “Axel, get up here.”

“No need, your bossiness.” Smirking, Axel snapped his fingers, and Demyx spontaneously combusted, quickly melting the ice and catching his hair on fire. Demyx screamed, summoning a water clone to put it out. He ran back to his seat.

“There’s my talent,” Axel said as Demyx scooted his chair as far away from him as possible.

“Dude, he just caught that guy on fire!” One of the boys in the back yelled.

“Yep. Got it memorized?”

“Next will be Luxord.” Saïx walked off stage, glad he had not become collateral damage of Axel’s ‘talent.’

“Did you plan on doing that?” Saïx asked Axel, sitting down.

Axel shrugged. “I was gonna juggle flaming chakrams or something. Catching Demyx on fire was more fun.”

When they were both paying attention again, Luxord had already gotten a volunteer – the excited teenager in the back who had been so happy to see Demyx caught on fire.

“I am going to tell your future from these cards,” Luxord said, summoning his cards. “Take three and lay them face down on this table.” A table materialized out of a portal on the stage.

The boy gave his friends a thumbs-up and picked three cars, looked at them, and put them on the table.

Luxord touched the first card. “Six of spades. It tells me you seek thrills. Jumping off the clocktower with homemade parachutes, perhaps?” The boy nodded, openmouthed, and Luxord placed his hand on the next card. “Jack of diamonds. You’re in a band.” It wasn’t a question. “Drummer. And friend of a well-known sitarist.”

Demyx frowned in the audience. _That was supposed to be a secret…_

Luxord’s hand hovered over the last card without touching it. His voice was low and mysterious (as the dark side of the moon). “Ace of Hearts. The Heartless will come for you. Arm yourself with a house key rubbed with an onion attached to the end of a struggle bat and you will survive.”

“Err, thanks, man,” the teenager rubbed his hand through his green Mohawk and left the stage as Luxord added,

“Thank you for your assistance, Jeremy.”

Jeremy turned around for a second, startled. Luxord had never asked for his name. As if that wasn’t proof enough, Luxord showed the audience the three cards and exited the stage.

“Thank you for that interesting and non-violent demonstration, Luxord,” Saïx said. “Xigbar is next.”

Xigbar teleported on stage, raising gasps from the audience. He teleported through the crowd and snatched things from them, hats and ice cream sticks, glasses, pocket watches, a giant stuffed unicorn, anything. Jeremy had his drumsticks stolen before he could blink. Then Xigbar was back on stage, or more accurately, upside-down in midair above the stage. He threw the stolen objects into the air and shot them out of the sky with his arrowguns. The crowd ducked as the bullets of energy whizzed past their heads.

Once the audience was thoroughly scared, Xigbar teleported the objects the objects back to their original owners, except for a half-eaten ice cream that he finished off. Nothing was broken – Xigbar’s energy bullets only hurt live creatures.

“Xigbar, please tell us _before_ you shoot at our audience,” Saïx said monotonously.

“Heh. As if.”

“Xaldin, don’t hurt anyone,” said Saïx.

The only people left in the crowd were the teenagers who were excited to see something get destroyed.

Xaldin disappointed them. His act was over quickly, just spinning hi spears around awesomely, but not breaking anything. Orders are orders, after all.

Next was Zexion, absorbing one of the boys into his lexicon and bringing him back.

“Scariest. Book. _Ever_.” He shuddered, orange spikes of hair twitching.

Roxas and Xion did their acts together, doing a mock-keyblade fight/dance with ninja-like skill. Larxene threw knives at an apple on Demyx’s head and (supposedly on accident) nicked his ear.

After a long round of poking from Demyx, blackmail threats from Axel and Xigbar, and an order from Xemnas, Saïx took the stage again, this time for his own talent, which he had hoped to avoid sharing by being the announcer. He sure wasn’t going to show off his powers like everyone else and give out even more of the Organization’s secrets, not to mention risk going berserk, so he did the only other thing he could think of.

He sang.

His voice was clear and deep, deep as the night sky itself. The words of his opera-like voice were a little hard to make out, but they could tell he sang something about the moon and his longing for it. It brought tears to Demyx’s eyes, despite him not knowing beforehand that he could cry. He didn’t want it to end.

Saïx expertly hid his embarrassment as he sat down, hoping to pretend nothing had happened, but the whole Organization and the now much larger audience all cheered.

“Been watching Phantom of the Opera again, Sai?” Axel teased, even though he’d actually enjoyed Saïx’s singing too, despite him not caring about opera at all. Saïx pointedly did not look at him.

The only ones left now were Demyx and Xemnas.

Xemnas had planned to go last but went before Demyx when the nocturne promised to clean the entire Grey Area and the kitchen. Confusion ensued as the Organization’s superior summoned cooking supplies.

“What’s he doing?” Demyx whispered.

“Oh no… I think he’s trying to recreate the Ultimate Pie of Magical Awesomesauce,” Saïx said seriously.

Demyx giggled. “Ultimate Pie of Magi-what?”

“Ultimate Pie of Magical Awesomesauce, made with one hundred-percent authentic Awesomesauce. Xemnas created it by accident once during a kitchen mishap and has never been able to perfect the recipe since.”

Xemnas was really getting into his cooking, mixing the pie crust ingredients with his ethereal blades, and then he spread it over a huge Nobody emblem-shaped pie tin. Before making the Awesomesauce, he turned around so no one could see the ingredients, but they still saw the radioactive-looking light misting off of it. He put the rainbow-colored jelly in the pie tin and covered it with the rest of the crust.

“Axel,” Xemnas ordered. The red-headed Nobody lit a flame under the pie tin from a safe distance away and hoped it wouldn’t explode.

“Stop.” Axel put out the fire and relaxed slightly in his seat.

Xemnas waved an ethereal blade over the pie like a magic wand before dicing it up.

“Who would like to test the pie?” Xemnas asked. Roxas was the only one who raised his hand. The older Organization members knew how the old Number XII had died.

Roxas took a bite of the glowing substance. It seemed to contain every flavor at once while at the same time having an overriding taste of sea-salt ice cream. The crust was warm and flaky, the Awesomesauce cool and creamy. It was heaven in pie form.

Seeing the expression on Roxas’s face of pure joy, the rest of Organization XIII and the audience lined up for their slices of pie.

Everybody claimed it tasted like something different.   Larxene said it tasted lemony, Luxord said it tasted like his father’s crumpet, Saïx said it tasted like raw antelope meat (arousing many confused and scared looks), and Demyx said it tasted like every kind of candy mixed together. Xemnas himself thought it tasted like thin mint Girl Scout cookies. Deliciousness.

Once the pie was all gone, Demyx got ready for his big finale. For the first time they actually closed the stage’s curtains as they set up all of the special effects and instruments.

“I wonder how good Demyx’s band actually is,” Axel said, leaning back in his chair with his hands behind his head. Saïx didn’t reply. He just hoped it would be over soon so they could get down to business (to defeat the Huns).

The curtains pulled back suddenly to show Demyx’s band in their full glory. Laser light displays blinded a few people in the crowd, but the rest could see the band dressed up in their crazy neon-colored punk haircuts and black coats.

“So that’s where they went,” Saïx muttered.

Demyx was at the front of the stage holding his sitar and talking into the microphone. “Thanks everyone for coming!” He said, as if they had known this was the real show all along. “Are you ready to ROCK?”

Of course Demyx had to live it up as much as possible. The crowd cheered loudly – Twilight Town had never had a rock concert before.

“Then let’s go!” Demyx shouted as the lights flashed to show his band’s name: Nobody’s Heartless. It was actually one of the better puns Demyx had come up with.

Demyx and the band had the time of their lives. It was the first time Demyx had played in front of a crowd since becoming a Nobody, not including when he played in the Grey Area to annoy Saïx. He felt a little more whole from the familiarity of the rock music he had written himself. It had been worth skipping missions and Saïx’s rage to practice with the band he’d put together, all leading up to this moment.

The Organization had known Demyx was a great sitar player (his music kept them up late on enough nights), but they didn’t know he could sing well, too. In true rock/heavy/metal/screamo/whatever-it-was-technically-called fashion he belted out the lyrics to a song about life in Organization XIII so fast it was hard to understand. They were pretty sure there was something about Xigbar stealing food and getting beat up by Larxene. She sat up a little straighter in the audience like she was proud of it.

After a loud encore they sang another song. It was one of Demyx’s favorites, One Week. He’d practiced it many times, but never as awesomely and lightning-fast as he did now. By the time he was done singing, Demyx thought his tongue might fall out from singing so fast. But it didn’t, so the band went on to play the Sitar Song afterwards.

Of course, the other band members shined, too. The boy playing keyboard, who had long blue hair (but not nearly cool enough to compare to Saïx’s), flew through the music, his fingers a blur across the black and white keys. Jeremy drummed so wildly he almost stabbed a hole in one of his drums. The base guitarist with orange, gravity-defying hair seemed startled when the song was over, like he had been in a trance. Most of the teenage boys in the audience looked jealous, and so did the girls who weren’t too busy fangirling. Nobody’s Heartless would be famous in Twilight Town as its first rock band. Demyx would be a cultural hero for bringing new music to the isolated world.

But for now their glorious moment was over. The Organization members had voted, and it was time for the judging.

Xemnas took the stand, looking over the crowd of people that had grown to fill most of the sandlot. Even some shopkeepers from downtown had shown up during the concert, wondering what the noise was.

“The winner of the talent show is Saïx,” Xemnas announced.

The crowd looked puzzled, while everyone in the Organization (except Demyx and a slightly pink-faced Saïx) cheered.

“How’d he win?” Demyx asked as Saïx went up to the stage to claim his Nobody emblem-shaped trophy.

“Xemnas said that the prize is a week of vacation,” Xigbar said.

“We voted for him because if he’s gone for a week, he can’t boss us around. Got it memorized?”

Demyx had a lightbulb moment. “So it’s like everyone gets a vacation!”

“Give the kid a prize.” Xigbar grinned mischievously. “Just don’t forget you’ve got double duty for a month after that.”

“Plus cleaning,” Axel added helpfully.

“Aww, man,” Demyx whined. “I’ll just have to be twice as lazy to make up for it.”

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for the random I’ll Make a Man Out of You puns scattered in this, I couldn’t resist. ^^; And for any respect you may have lost for any characters. 
> 
> This is pretty old too, back from February 2011. I reaaaally need to get around to typing things up faster. ^^; Xekon kept pestering me about it until I finally stopped being lazy, so anyone who likes this can thank her, and go read her story Xemnas Saves the World With Pie, which was inspired by this and is also extremely insane.
> 
> I feed on reviews, they’re an excellent source of fiber and whole grains for a healthy diet.


End file.
